


Black Chamomile Tea

by time_escapes_me



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Coming Out, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Insomnia, M/M, Shy Harry, Ziam is mentioned, confident louis (later), harry loves chamomile tea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4479446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/time_escapes_me/pseuds/time_escapes_me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shots portraying Harry and Louis' lives as they grow old together; based upon almost all of Ed Sheeran's songs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This story will also be posted under the name of loveloudlarry on wattpad and is not plagiarism.
> 
> Feedback is welcomed! Xx

September 7th, 1999 

| "Just promise me you'll always be a friend. 'Cause you are the only one." |

~

 

"Mum, I'm scared." Louis cries as he clings onto his mother for support, doing anything he can not to start crying. The new atmosphere surrounding him and the room full of little kids in front of him are terrifying, he doesn't want to go in there. His mum heaves a small sigh, giving her son a gentle hug of encouragement. 

"Honey, you'll be fine. Those kids are just as scared as you are." She pauses before continuing, "I can't stay with you all day, Lou. You have to be a big boy and go in there... Can you do that for me?" She looks her son in the eyes and smiles when he nods his head slowly. With one last hug and a kiss on the cheek, Louis is sent on his way into the room with a light chatter sifting through the air. He glances around at the other students feeling more and more out of place when he can't figure out where he should be standing. 

"Good morning class," A tall lady with kind eyes speaks with a firm voice, gripping all of the young children's attention. "Welcome to the first day of Kindergarten! I know this day can be a little scary, but also very exciting. So to help get you all comfortable in your new class, you are going to find partners that will be sitting next to you for the first few weeks of school. Once you have your partner, please sit down at one of the groups of desks and we will start in just a few minutes." Louis feels his stomach tighten as everyone immediately begins to scramble around the room, somehow already knowing who they want as a partner. His nervous eyes dart around the room, spotting a short boy making his way towards Louis' side of the classroom. He puts an inviting smile on, trying desperately to remember everything his mother had told him this morning about being polite. 

"Hi." The cheerful boy greets with a little wave. "Do you have a partner?" He asks, staring thoughtfully into the beautiful ocean colored eyes in front of him. Louis shakes his head. 

"No, I'm Louis." He introduces himself, hoping that the boy will want to be his partner. He couldn't help but admire the way the boys' brown chocolaty curls rested on his head and matched his green eyes perfectly. 

"I'm Harry." He waves his thumb in the air then digs it into his chest, pointing to himself. He grins and asks, "Where do you wanna sit?" 

"Next to you." Louis answers with a shy smile. Harry runs toward the closest empty pair of desks, Louis follows and plops himself next to Harry. Supplies such as glue, tape, glitter, and a variety of different colored paper is laid out across each group of desks, the two boys eyeing them with wonder. Without instruction, Louis picks up a roll of tape and starts to unravel it. Harry follows, picking up one of the miniature sized bottles of glue and begins to take the cap off. Louis giggles as small pieces of tape gather on his desk, before sticking a piece onto Harry's hand. The smaller boy's eyes widen and he lets out a quiet gasp. Harry chuckles when he returns the favor, pouring a bit of glue all over Louis' tiny fingers. It doesn't take long before the mess grows and becomes bigger, the teacher catches on. 

"Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles." She calls out, the class instantly going silent as all eyes turn towards the pair. "What do you think you're doing? It's been nearly 10 minutes and you're already making a mess!" She cries, motioning in distress to the two of them. They share a brief glance of embarrassment, their faces turning as red as the apple on the teacher's desk.  
"If you don't settle down and start cleaning this up, I'm going to have to call both of your parents." That's the last thing either of them wanted, especially on the first day. 

As the teacher continues to give directions to the project the class is doing for the rest of the day, Harry and Louis begin haphazardly cleaning the supplies up. Of course, sharing a few giggles and smiles along the way. Louis would like to believe that he finally made a friend- a nice one at that. Little did he know, he was about to embark on the most remarkable journey his life had ever encountered.


	2. This

November 20, 2000 

|"This is the start of something beautiful. This is the start of something new."|

~

Harry smiles when he sits next to his friend, Louis, who has been in the same class as him for two years in a row now. The teacher just announced that it is snack, one of Harry's favorite parts of the day because he gets to talk with Louis. He puts his lunchbox on his desk and pulls out the crisps that his mum had packed him and then proceeds to take out a small canteen filled with his favorite drink. Louis watches, already munching away on some pretzels. After he takes a small sip of his apple juice-box, he furrows his brow. 

"What's that?" He wonders, pointing to the canteen sitting on Harry's desk. 

"This?" Harry confirms, picking up the bottle. Louis nods. 

"It's Chamomile Tea." He shrugs, failing to pronounce the word 'chamomile' correctly and says something like 'chamile' instead. "Wanna try some? It's my favorite." 

"Okay." Louis happily agrees, grinning from ear to ear when Harry marches over to the water station to retrieve an empty paper cup. Next, he carefully unscrews his bottle of tea, pouring some for his friend before handing him the cup. Louis eyes the liquid suspiciously and finally takes a sip.

"Ew!" He exclaims, spitting it back into the cup. Louis has never tasted anything similar to that, his mum never drinks tea. Harry giggles at his reaction. "That's disgusting. It needs more sugar." 

"I like it just the way it is." Harry replies, taking a large sip for himself. "I think my mum calls it black or something like that." He says with a shrug. Something about the tea is soothing to Harry. Whether it's because his mum drinks it that way, or because she has given it to Harry ever since he was allowed to drink tea and it always helps him sleep; he doesn't know. But he just loves the taste. 

 

After munching on their snacks for a full twenty minutes, the boys' teacher announces nap time which is Louis' least favorite part of the day. It's not that he doesn't like taking naps, he physically can never get his little mind to stop racing. He's always thinking about things he could be doing or new games he could be playing. His mum always scolds him for never sleeping during nap time, but he can't help it. 

"Why do you do that?" Louis questions once him and Harry are laying side by side on their mats, Harry's cheeks instantly flushing. 

"Do what?" 

Harry listens as Louis tries to repeat his earlier sounds. He fails with miserable defeat making the two giggle. Humming soft tunes to himself is one thing Harry loves to do before trying to sleep, but is usually too shy to do in public. Something is different when he's with Louis though, he feels safe. 

"No, don't stop. I like it." Louis coaxes when Harry stops humming, "You have a pretty voice." 

"I do?" A shy smile makes its' way onto his face when Louis nods enthusiastically. 

"You should be one of those peoples who sings on tv." Louis insists with a grin, Harry shrugs. Once the two boys close their eyes, Harry starts to hum in a way that's barely audible for only Louis to hear because he doesn't want to be yelled at by the teacher. He hopes that it doesn't keep him awake, but at home the only way he can fall asleep is by hearing his mum sing to him. So while he proceeds to repeat the comforting melodies that hold so much meaning to him, Louis listens intently, grasping onto every whisper of a note. In his mind he pictures him and Harry and wonders what adventure the two will come across next. But somewhere along in the process of imagining, he feels his breathing become heavier and his thoughts slow down...   
For the first time in months, he's finally able to fall asleep during nap time.


	3. Be Like You

June 1, 2004

| "Maybe I'll put you to a test and say that I love you, I think that I love you." |

-

"Hey." 

Harry looks up when he recognizes the familiar voice, meeting the gaze of the tall figure standing over him. He closes the book that rests in his lap and fixes the glasses on his head before replying with the same vague greeting. 

"Hey." 

"Why are you sitting under this tree all alone? Recess is almost over." Louis states, taking a seat next to Harry on the ground. 

"You know I don't have many friends, Louis." He shrugs, saying the words as if they aren't bitter. Over the past year, Harry has noticed everyone around him finding large groups of friends, while his only one is Louis. It's not that he doesn't like spending time with Louis, it's just that he's the exact opposite of how Harry is. He's athletic and never had trouble fitting in from being the star of the football team his mum had signed him up for. 

"Who have you been talking to, anyways?" 

"Just a few friends from football." Louis shrugs before he exclaims, "I finally talked to Eleanor!" 

"You did?" Harry questions while trying to sound as enthusiastic as he can. 

"Yup!" Louis beams, popping the 'p'. "She said that she had a crush on me." 

"That's great, Lou!" Harry smiles as a billion other thoughts begin to race through his mind. 

He doesn't understand why he gets a tingly feeling in his stomach whenever he is next to Louis. They have been friends for years now and Harry has never experienced a feeling like it prior to this year. Yet, he also couldn't possibly comprehend the fact why he continued to get a pang in his chest every time Louis mentioned Eleanor. For the past two years, Eleanor has been Louis' biggest crush. He's always smiling, giggling, and taking about her during snack and recess. For some reason, Harry's getting to the point where he's just annoyed with the girl. 

"So have you figured out who you have a crush on yet?" Louis asks while poking Harry's arm. That strange, but oddly familiar feeling in his stomach makes Harry blush as he shakes his head. 

"Oh come on!" Louis whines, wanting to know every little detail about his best-friend. "There has to be someone you like." 

"Not really." Harry replies, which is nothing but the truth. Even though everyone else around him seemed to have a crush on a girl, Harry didn't. He didn't understand how people his age knew what it felt like to have a crush. Did they get that weird tingly feeling in their stomachs that Harry only had when he was with Louis? In the midst of spending quite a few recesses alone under that tall pine tree with his 50 page chapter book, that thought had crossed his mind a couple of times. Almost instantly though, he shot it down. 

Harry had never heard his mother talk about two boys having a crush on each-other and has never seen anything like it either. Nobody around him in school has ever talked about it as well. Did this mean something was wrong with him? Are these thoughts normal for an 11 year old boy like Harry? He simply didn't know.

As the days grew longer and Harry watched Louis ditch him at recess to play games with Eleanor, he remained to ponder the foreign ideas. He caught himself growing jealous of Louis for various reasons. Louis had the perfect group of friends, better looks, more talent, and actually had a crush like every other normal kid would. 

Harry wished that for one day, one single day, he could be a little less geeky and a little more normal. He wished he could fit in and have more friends. But really, he just wished he could be more like Louis.


	4. Fire Alarms

April 28, 2005

| "We were young and we were foolish, school books in our arms. Dodging homework, dodging classes to set off fire alarms." |

~

A crush can be a harmless feeling of admiration, bliss, and happiness. But it can also be a feeling of complete infatuation and longing for somebody who doesn't feel the same about you. When you have a crush on someone, you will go to the moon and back to get them to notice you. That's why when Harry is being found dismissing himself to go to the bathroom at exactly 1:03 to meet Louis in the hallway, he doesn't care that he could get a detention. He will do whatever it takes to see Louis. 

"Hey," Louis greets with a smug expression on his face. "I didn't think you were brave enough to lie to the teacher."

"Well, here I am." Harry replies quietly while crossing his arms over his chest. "What are we even doing out here?" 

"I dunno." The shorter boy shrugs, "Anything to get out of that boring history lesson." He laughs before continuing to walk further down the halls. 

"Lou." Harry groans in frustration, trailing behind. "We're going to get yelled at! C'mon, lets just go back to class." 

"No."

"Please?"

"Stop being such a baby, Harold." Louis smirks as he puts emphasis on Harry's full name, knowing damn well how much he hates it. 

"Don't call me that! And keep your voice down!" Harry whispers with anger. The pure annoyance laced in his voice only makes Louis want to keep joking around. 

"What are you doing now? Louis, if you don't turn around and go back to class I'll go by myself." 

Laughter fills the air. "Who are you? My mother?" The comment makes Harry's cheeks flush and he realizes how whiny he's being. A huff escapes his lips when Louis stands in front of the red box and he knows what Louis is thinking of doing next. 

"Don't you dare pull the fire alarm. You're going to get a detention!" Harry warns while putting his hand on Louis' arm to try to stop him. 

"Oh have some fun!" Louis rolls his eyes. Before Harry can protest any further, deafening high-pitched bells are sounding throughout the school and both boys bring their hands to cover their ears. Students and teachers looking confused and partially frightened proceed to make their way out of the building. Harry looks to Louis with his jaw dropped, while Louis tries to hold back giggles as they follow everyone outside. 

They are definitely going to get a detention for this. 

-

Harry runs his hands through his tangled mess of wet curly hair, which he can thank Louis for. He stands silently with his classmates outside of the building, listening as the people around him grumble and complain. The rain is falling at a steady rate now and even the teachers are becoming fed up with standing outside as the principle and fire department does a walk-through to make sure there isn't a real fire. Neither of them have spoken up about setting the fire alarm off in hopes that nobody will find out, but in reality it's only a matter of time. 

Harry glances over to Louis and his classmates standing a short distance away, who gives a small wave. Harry once again rolls his eyes. He knows that Louis is feeling a bit anxious right now because he's shifting back and forth between his feet, but that doesn't mean Harry will forgive him. Louis has a right to feel guilty for making the whole school stand outside in the rain. Besides, Harry's mum will kill him if he gets in trouble. 

Harry's heart sinks a little when he notices that Louis has started to hum. It reminds him of the times during nap when he wasn't able to sleep without humming, a habit that he's now outgrown. Harry can barely make out the noise through the drops of the rain, but could recognize the tune of that song anywhere. It's the song that his mother would sing to him and the melody he had memorized from just years earlier. Suddenly he finds himself humming along too, singing the lyrics in his head. 

You are my sunshine,   
My only sunshine,   
You make me happy when skies are grey,   
You never know dear,   
How much I love you,   
Please don't take my sunshine away.

When Louis hears Harry join in, the corners of his mouth turn into a wide smile, both boys staring at each other from afar with large grins. 

At that moment, it seemed like Harry didn't have a care in the world. He didn't worry about possibly getting in trouble or getting wet from the rain. He knew that he had found a friend in Louis for life and that's all he could ever wish for.


	5. Bloodstream

May 20, 2006

| "One or two could free my mind, this is how it ends. I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream." | 

~

"Louis?" Harry calls as he walks through the front door of Louis' house. He adjusts the bag he has over his shoulder with a huff, before trudging his way up the stairs to his friend's room. Louis had insisted that they have a sleepover because his parents and sisters were out of town for the weekend and they finally trusted him to be home alone. However, Louis saw this as an opportunity for the two to do whatever they wanted, without getting in trouble. 

"I'm busy... I can't, I'm hanging out with Harry for the weekend." Harry stops in the doorway, listening as Louis talks into the phone. "Alright, I'll see you on Monday." A smile spreads across the taller boy's face when he hangs the phone up and meets Harry's gaze.

"Sorry I didn't hear you come in, It was Eleanor."

Harry resists the urge to roll his eyes at the mention of her name. He doesn't know what it is about that girl, but the feelings of jealousy that first filled his senses last year have grown. Louis is always spending time with her now and it wouldn't surprise Harry if she were to become Louis' new best friend. He tries not to think about the whole situation because it confuses him. Harry's realized that he isn't like other boys his age and knows that his feelings towards Louis aren't normal. He could never bring himself to tell anyone about it because it would simply ruin everything. 

"It's fine." Harry shrugs while throwing his bag onto the floor beside Louis' bed. "So what are we going to do?" 

Harry feels his stomach twist when Louis sends him a playful smirk. "I have a few ideas, I'll be right back." 

"What-" Harry begins to question, but doesn't have time because Louis has already run off down stairs. He shakes his head and waits in anticipation. Whenever Louis has an idea, it's always something mischievous.

"Here." Louis announces while setting a bottle down right next Harry. He scrunches his nose and picks up the foreign liquid before pushing it away. 

"Lou, I'm not drinking that. Now go put them back where you found them." 

"Have some fun for once! Nobody is here, we aren't going to get caught." Louis scoffs and takes a seat on his bed next to Harry. 

"That's what you always say." Harry mumbles quietly to himself, mentally debating whether to follow in Louis' footsteps. He knows underage drinking is illegal and there are many consequences, but when he watches Louis pull funny faces as he texts her, another pang of jealousy surges through him. Suddenly, he yearns to know what it feels like to be drunk and wonders if it really is possible to forget about his problems by drinking them away. 

-

Three hours and five-too-many drinks later, both Harry and Louis are well beyond the normal drinking limit. Louis admits that this isn't the first time he's been drunk and that he tried drinking alcohol for the first time a couple of months ago. And for Harry, well, this is easily the wildest thing he has ever done. 

"So I was thinking about asking El to the school dance that's coming up..." Louis slurs and can't confine the blush that makes it's way upon his face when he mentions Eleanor's name. Harry rolls his eyes, not even aware that Louis is watching. 

"What, it's a bad idea?" Louis frowns, staring at his friend for an answer. 

Harry shrugs. "I don't know. Do whatever you want." 

"Why are you saying it like that?" 

"Like what?" 

"Never mind." Louis shifts his position on the bed so that he's sitting face to face with Harry. "You almost act as if you don't want me to be around her." Harry feels his cheeks flush when Louis starts chuckling, if only he knew... 

"Anyways, who are you going to the spring dance with?" Harry groans in frustration at the question. 

"Can we please talk about something else?" The innocent boy interjects, not wanting to discuss anything like this with Louis. 

"Why? There has to be someone you've got your eye on." 

Harry shakes his head and tries to avoid the topic. "There isn't." 

Louis scoffs while crossing his arms. "Seriously? Why don't you want to talk about this with me? For the past year and a half, you always say that you don't like anyone. Do you not trust me or something?" 

"It's not that- I-" Harry pauses for second, trying desperately to get a handle on his thoughts that are already drowned in alcohol. Neither of the two are in their right minds and have little recollection of what they're saying. 

"I can't believe you. We've been friends for years and you don't trust me?" Louis stares at Harry, his eyes wide. Harry feels his stomach doing flips because the amount of hurt and abandonment is evident in his eyes. 

Without thinking, Harry opens his mouth and says something he would've never said if he was sober. "I do trust you Lou, I- it's just so hard and complicated for me. You would never understand." 

"What do you mean?" Louis wonders, his hurt expression now turning to worry. He furrows his brow in confusion as a soft sigh leaves Harry's lips. 

"I can't tell you. You wouldn't want to talk to me ever again." Harry whispers delicately, tears collecting in his eyes. 

"That's not true. Please tell me, I promise you'll always be my best friend." Louis puts his hand on Harry's shoulder for comfort. 

After a long pause, Harry meets Louis' soothing gaze and murmurs softly, "Promise?" 

"I promise." 

Harry takes one final breath and prepares himself for what would be one of the worst mistakes he's ever made. Little did he know, it would only take one sentence to break a unifying promise and 8 years of friendship. 

"I think I have a crush on you, Lou."


	6. Grade 8

April 20, 2007

| "Keep it on the down low and I'll keep you around so I'll know." |

_

"Right? Last weekend was sick, mate! We have to hang out again, just the three of us!"

Harry rolls his eyes and shoves another one of his potato crisps into his mouth in hopes that the crunching would block out the noise from the table near him. The lunch room is filled with loud, obnoxious, teenagers that Harry doesn't want to be apart of. He swears that they sit there just to annoy the crap out of him.

"Definitely. Hey, did you and Eleanor ever sort out those problems?" Harry recognizes the voice that belongs to Zayn who's obviously talking to Louis. Over the past year, Louis has surrounded himself with the most popular assholes in this school; Zayn, Niall, and the other stars of the football team. Harry doesn't mind Niall, if anything he's the nicest one in their little group. But the others get weekly detentions and fail practically every class that they're in. It hurts to see Louis surrounding himself with those kinds of people, especially because Harry knows that Louis is better than that. Harry hasn't spoken with his old friend in almost 11 months now, ever since the night that Louis started ignoring him and the night that Harry desperately wishes to erase from his memory...

The nervous tension and growing silence left hanging in the air makes Harry shift uneasily. Even through the drunken haze of his thoughts, he knows that Louis has misguided him and he should never have opened his mouth. Louis stares at him, searching his face for any sort of detection that this is a complete joke. His high-pitched laugh suddenly fills the room. Harry's face falls.

"You're joking, right?" Louis slurs in between his heart-wrenching laughs. When Harry's expression remains cold, he slowly regains his composure and shoots his friend a look of bewilderment. "Harry, you aren't serious, are you?"

"I don't know." Harry shrugs and quickly tries to change the topic. "Just forget about it, alright?"

"Oh my god. You don't actually feel that way, do you?" Louis presses once he realizes that Harry was for sure being one-hundred percent serious. He didn't intend to hurt Harry, the whole thing just came as a shock to him. Harry feels his stomach clench with rejection and frowns as his bottom lip starts to tremble.

"I-" He begins, but is cut-off by Louis.

"Harry, you know that I like Eleanor. I don't think I could ever feel that way about my best friend, let alone another boy. That's just... I don't know, that's weird? C'mon, you couldn't have thought that I'd feel that way."

"I get it, alright? I know I'm weird, you don't have to keep telling me that." Harry raises his voice in defense, while he stands up from his spot on Louis' bed.

"You're crying?" Louis questions in a mocking way, making Harry feel ten times worse. He didn't know what reaction he was expecting to get from his friend, but this certainly wasn't it.

"Would you just stop?" Harry bites back pathetically, as tears cloud his vision. When Louis made the choice to continue with his idiotic and slightly offensive statements, Harry decided that he had enough. He gathered the few belongings that he had arrived with and quickly left the Tomlinson household as fast as he could.

Given the amount of alcohol that was consumed that day, Harry prayed that neither of them would wake up and remember a thing the next morning. But to his dismay, the events that took place that night still remain clear in their minds.

In the time that followed, while Harry spent most of his days alone and before Liam started hanging out with him, he had frequently thought about his sexuality. There were many moments where he had desperately hoped that it was just a phase. He tried to distract himself from thinking about Louis, who still managed to take up 99.9% of his train of thought. No matter what he did, Harry always had this heavy weight on his shoulders and nothing would get rid of it. He yearns to tell someone and finally feel accepted, but he can't risk the same thing happening again. Instead, he continues to ignore his problems by doing his best to blend in.

"Hey." Harry is brought back to reality by the sound of Liam's voice, as he bitterly sets his bottle of water down onto the table in front of them. He sinks into the seat next to Harry with an exaggerated sigh.

"What's up with you?" Harry asks, referring to Liam's entirely stressed out composure.

"I failed my maths exam." Liam mumbles and Harry motions for him to continue, because he knows there's more to it than that. Liam's face flushes and he moves his gaze to his water bottle that has suddenly become more interesting than their surrounding atmosphere. He takes a deep breath before huffing, "zaynandIarepartnersforenglish."

"What?" Harry lightly chuckles, "Slow down, mate."

Liam glares at his friend, his face red with embarrassment. "Uh, Zayn is my assigned partner for the upcoming English project and it counts as half of my grade."

"...Isn't that a good thing?" Harry questions, not following why Liam is so freaked out about this whole thing. Of course, Harry is aware of Liam's long-time crush on Zayn and he honestly didn't know what Liam found in the guy. Not to mention, Zayn happens to have a girlfriend and both boys are aware that he's as straight as can be.

"No!" Liam groans in frustration at Harry's obliviousness. "I can't be around someone like him. Everyone knows I'm one of the biggest losers in this school and all I'm going to do is make a complete idiot out of myself. You know what happens when I get nervous, Harry. Oh my god, I can't believe this-"

Sometime during Liam's nonstop rambling about his current 'disaster', Harry found himself getting distracted by the other side of the room. Louis threw his head back in laughter at something Niall had said, making the whole table erupt in howls. Liam must have realized that Harry was no longer paying attention, because he suddenly stopped talking.

He follows Harry's fixed gaze to the other table, steeling a quick glance at Zayn in the process, before giving Harry a knowing frown. Liam has been aware of Harry's feelings for Louis ever since the two started to become close friends at the beginning of the school year. Harry hasn't formally told Liam that he has a crush on his ex-best friend, but Liam knows Harry better than anyone and it's nearly impossible not to notice the way he looks at Louis.

"Do you wanna hang out sometime this weekend?" Liam asks, trying to shift Harry's focus elsewhere. The smaller boy nods with a forced smile, silently thanking his friend for always being there for him when nobody else is.


	7. Let It Out

Sunday August 26, 2007

| "And you speak to me behind your dark green stare. And you let me be as if I wasn't there." |

_

"You look absolutely handsome, Louis."

Jay walks into the kitchen with a wide grin plastered across her face, watching Louis as he continuously runs his hands through his hair. He lets out a quiet huff, before folding his arms across his chest.

"Do I really have to go?" He asks in a tone of annoyance, making his mother's smile falter. For the past week, Louis has been doing everything in his power to try and persuade his mum to allow him to skip tonight- Anne and Robin's wedding date, to be exact. He cringed the moment he noticed the invitation sitting on the table, knowing that his mother wouldn't miss Anne's wedding for the entire world. They've been the closest of friends ever since Harry and Louis were little kids, even while Louis grew apart from Harry.

"Of course you do!" Jay states as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Anne has been in a very big part of your life. She used to watch you and Harry all the time when you were younger... I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this-"

"I'm not," He interrupts, "I just don't want to go, alright? I won't remember anyone there."

"What are you going on about? You'll know Harry!"

"Mum, you know we don't talk much anymore." Louis mumbles, trying his hardest not to start yelling. He hates talking about anything having to do with Harry because the guilt of ignoring him is overwhelming.

Jay sighs. "I don't know what's going on with you lately, but you're going to lose him as a friend if you don't keep in touch. It seems like it's been ages since you've hung out with each other and he was a good friend to you, Louis. You don't want to let someone like him go." Louis doesn't say anything after that remark and trails silently behind while his mother picks up her car keys and heads for the door.

"Ready to go?" She wonders, smiling once again. Louis nods halfheartedly. He can already feel a wave of anxiety building in the pit of his stomach with the single thought of being at Harry's house, never mind the possibility of speaking with him again. In order to get through this evening without doing something stupid or saying anything he'll regret, he knows that he's going to need a miracle.

And miracles don't happen to Louis whenever Harry is involved.

-

Harry, Harry, Harry. That's been the only thing going through Louis' mind since he laid eyes on the boy just two hours earlier. He couldn't take his eyes off of Harry and admired the way he looked especially dressed up, different compared to his usual school attire, wearing a black and white suit without any glasses for a change. His hair is styled in its usual mess of short brown curls, falling messily on top of his head.

Louis continues to watch while Harry greets a few of the guests, most likely siblings of his. The wedding ceremony has ended, the reception is now in full-swing. People are scattered around the backyard everywhere, talking, dancing, laughing, and having a good time. Anne didn't want a huge, formal wedding and settled on a simple gathering, inviting all of their closest friends and family throughout the years. It's great for Jay, who manages to find a group of friends that she hasn't seen nor talked to in years, but isn't exactly Louis' forte since he barely recognizes a single person there. He doesn't mind though, he's just counting down the minutes until he can go back home. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the final Sunday before school started at a wedding, Harry's mum's wedding, at the least.

"Louis, love, is that you?" A voice coming from his left startles him, but a smile soon covers his face when he turns his head to see Anne standing beside him. "Oh I'm so glad you could make it, how are you? It's been a while..."

"I'm good, thanks." He replies while Anne pulls him into a friendly hug. Happiness is basically radiating off of her and Louis can't remember the last time he's seen her so filled with joy.

"Have you talked with Harry yet? I'm sure he'd love to see you." She states, obviously noticing how out of place Louis seems, standing all alone. Louis' eyes go wide as she starts scanning the crowd for her son.

"No, no," He quickly insists, his stomach doing flips when she catches Harry's attention. "You don't need to-" He begins, but it's too late. Harry has already met Louis' gaze and starts dismissing himself from the conversation he was previously taking place in. He doesn't understand why his heart hammers steadily in his chest as Harry makes his way over to himself and Anne. Louis shouldn't be nervous to talk to Harry after all of this time, if anything, Harry should be the nervous one.

"Hey." Harry says cautiously, tearing Louis away from his thoughts and back to reality. His lips form a tight thin line, not breaking out into a smile like Louis had witnessed earlier and the atmosphere between them is almost immediately filled thick with tension.

"Hey." Louis answers shortly, not knowing what else to say at this point. Harry subtly glances from Louis to his mother with ease and Anne gets the hint. She excuses herself and Louis watches as she goes over to greet his own mum with a grin. The two hug for a brief minute before diving into a cheerful exchange. "So," Louis clears his throat, directing his attention back towards the boy standing in front of him. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks." Harry says, barely showing any emotion at all. An uncomfortable silence overcomes the two and Louis shifts anxiously back and forth between his feet, trying to think of something to say. He's just about to open his mouth to speak when Harry asks, "How's Eleanor?"

"Uh, alright. I guess." The straightforwardness of the question takes Louis by surprise and he looks to the ground while he proceeds, "We broke up last month." The confession rolls off of his tongue easier than he had originally expected it to. The truth is, Louis felt extremely relieved to be done with Eleanor. At first, he was over the moon to be taking their relationship to the next level after being friends for the past couple of years and having a crush on the girl since he could remember. But once they started dating, it wasn't anything like Louis had expected it to be. They shared a few kisses here and there but for some reason, Louis never got that giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach like he had in the beginning. It was almost as if there was something missing between them and Louis just couldn't figure out what it was.

"Oh..." Harry murmurs in a soft tone. "'M sorry to hear that."

"Yeah." Louis echoes, daring to meet Harry's timid stare. A sense of guilt abruptly washes over him when he realizes the awkwardness to their current situation. It's obvious that Harry is still wounded by Louis' actions and all trust that he once had in his best friend, has now vanished. It hurts Louis knowing that he's the cause of this, he's the one who destroyed their friendship and added to the heavy weight on his shoulders that Harry is constantly carrying around. Thinking back on it all, he doesn't understand why he acted the way that he did when Harry confessed his feelings. He also doesn't understand why he suddenly seems to care so much since he hasn't bothered to spare Harry a second glance in the past year, but if he had the chance to go back and change everything now; he would in a heart beat.


	8. Touch and Go

Friday November 2, 2007

|"I'm holding out to feel without a doubt, I have just been questioning."|

_

Between the blaring music, drunken conversations, and the constant flow of people coming in and out of the house, Louis is starting to think that parties are not for him. He rolls his eyes as Zayn takes another shot of who knows what kind of alcohol, already losing patience with the completely intoxicated boy. It was Zayn's bright idea to spend their Friday night at a high school party that one of their grade 12 friends invited them to. Louis was hesitant at first, but then figured he may as well go since he didn't have any other plans. Now, he's regretting that decision.

"Have you seen him yet?" Zayn slurs for what feels like the fortieth time tonight. It was also his bright idea to invite Liam, the biggest grade 9 loser the school has to offer, along as well. Zayn didn't like talking about the brown haired boy often, but Louis knows that ever since Zayn started working with him for a school project last year, something has changed. He suddenly talks about not getting along with Perrie and wanting to put an end to their relationship. Although it didn't make sense to Louis before, from the way Zayn has been drunkenly blabbering about Liam all night, he's now starting to think his friend may have a crush.... And it's not on his girlfriend.

Louis can't really be one to talk though, because the situation seems all too familiar. Ever since he went to Anne's wedding and talked to Harry a couple of months ago, he can't stop thinking about Harry. His face, his eyes, his lips. Louis has never found himself thinking about Harry, or any other guy, this way before and he's finally excepted that it isn't normal. Not for him, anyways.

He can't get Harry's words, the ones that never seemed to matter as much as they do now, out of his head. "I think I have a crush on you, Lou." The phrase has kept him awake for more hours than he sleeps during the night and he can't help but start to wonder if he may have a crush on Harry as well. But that'd be ridiculous, he tells himself, he can't be gay. He's had crushes on girls since he was young and he dated Eleanor. Nothing in his mind of jumbled thoughts and feelings made any sense right now and it was frustrating and mentally draining for Louis.

"Lou, is that him?" Zayn exclaims, already way too overenthusiastic. He's ripped away from his thoughts when his friend elbows him in the side, pointing violently to the other side of the room. Louis furrows his brows, trying to follow Zayn's gaze while looking through the crowd of people.

"I don't think so-" Louis begins, not spotting the shorter lad anywhere. His eyes suddenly land on a head of curly brown hair alongside a vaguely familiar figure and he prays that his eyes are deceiving him. "Shit, Zayn, is that Harry? What is he doing here? I thought you only invited Liam."

"I said he could bring whoever he wanted." Zayn shrugs, "Do I look alright?"

Louis rolls his eyes, suddenly wishing he didn't decide to stay sober tonight. "You look fine."

"I'm gonna go talk to him." Zayn declares and Louis doesn't know whether to start laughing or praying for his friend who's nowhere near the right frame of mind to be talking to anyone other than Louis right now.

"Go get him, tiger." Louis mocks as Zayn blushes, not able to contain the chuckle that escapes his lips. Never in a million years had he expected Zayn Malik, the baddest bitch in the school, to go for Liam Payne.

Louis watches while Zayn boldly marches up to Liam, not wasting any time before diving into a conversation. His gaze eventually shifts to Harry, who's now weaving around some of the people and looking quite uncomfortable. Louis already knows that Harry doesn't like parties or any place that's loud, he never has.

Before Louis can muster up the courage to talk to Harry, he grabs a beer from the fridge in the kitchen and downs nearly half of it, deciding that a little bit of alcohol won't do him any harm. He takes one last sip and runs a hand through his hair, leaving his spot against the counter. He wanders through the rooms on the bottom floor of the house and tries not to worry too much about what he's going to say this time. When he finds Harry, standing alone in the corner of what seems to be the living area, his mind starts reeling a mile a minute.

"Oh, uh, hey." Harry greets as Louis finally makes his way over to the boy, obviously catching him by surprise. He's dressed simply in a black t-shirt with a grey hoodie, and Louis would be lying if he said that he didn't feel the slightest bit attracted to him. He catches himself looking at his lips, wondering what it would feel like to kiss another boy. It isn't the first time Louis has thought about it, yet another one of the many things that keep him up at night, and he wishes he could just get rid of the constant dread of not knowing how he really feels.

A sudden notion pops into Louis' head and before he thinks about what the consequences could be, he simply acts upon it, all common sense now thrown out of the window. Instead of replying to Harry, he grabs the boy's wrist and tugs him along, making him even more confused. Louis pulls him into the nearest room, which happens to be the bathroom, and quickly slams the door shut behind them.

"Louis, what the hell?" Harry demands, giving him a look of bewilderment as he lets go of his wrist. "Are you drunk or something?"

"What?" Louis replies in an instant, "No." His heart is beating rapidly in his chest and he's only now aware that his hands are shaking. It's too late to turn back and he reminds himself that he needs to do this, he has to know...

"What are you-" Harry begins while Louis steps closer, closing the gap between the two. He cuts Harry off by bringing his hand up to Harry's cheek and gently places their lips together. The feeling of Harry's lips against his own are different from what he expected, soft and gentle, and nothing like any other girls that he has ever kissed before.

It only takes a fracture of a second for Louis to realize that Harry isn't kissing him back and he quickly pulls away when the brutality of what he has done sinks in. He takes a step back and stares at Harry with wide eyes, who's expression remains neutral and utterly perplexed.

"Fuck," Louis curses and let's out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I-I didn't mean to do that, Harry, I just-"

"You just what?" Harry speaks in a low tone, taking Louis by surprise.

"I don't know, I-"

"Is this some kind of game to you?" Harry interrupts Louis' pathetic attempt at trying to make things better. His hands are still shaking, heart hammering steadily in his chest, and he can't comprehend what to say. Harry has his gaze fixed on Louis, his jaw clenched while he waits for an answer. He's mad and Louis doesn't understand why he feels disappointed when he's met with a look of sheer distress staring back at him.

"Are you purposefully trying to make me feel like shit because of what happened all of those years ago? Because I confessed that I used to have feelings for you or something? Is that what this is about? ... Because I'm gay?" Harry questions, his tone rising with every sentence. Louis shakes his head.

"No, I-"

"Look, I get it, alright? If you wanted to make me feel like an idiot, you could've just kept ignoring me. I'm sick and tired of always being in the center of your jokes... But I guess that's all I'm ever going to be to you- one massive joke."

"Harry," Louis attempts to grasp the boy's attention before he leaves the room, regret settling heavily in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I know." Harry states coldly, "You never 'mean to'." The bitter words leave his mouth with ease, hitting Louis in the face and ridding him of any further reply he could have possibly had at this point. They stand there for a moment, Louis resembling a fish out of water as he tries to gather the seemingly thousands of thoughts going through his mind, their gazes not daring to leave one another's. If the air wasn't tense before, it most certainly is now and Louis isn't sure how much longer he can deal with it. Harry must feel the same way, because seconds later he's turning to face the door, leaving Louis alone and entirely guilty.

As he watched Harry leave the bathroom and return to the party that was still happening outside the door, there was one thing that he knew for sure...

The feeling of having another boy's lips pressed to his own wasn't as repulsive as he had previously hoped it would be.


	9. Where We Land

Tuesday April 15, 2008

|"Do I love you? Do I hate you? I can't make up my mind."|

_

Louis lets out a deep sigh, keeping his fists clenched tightly by his sides as he stands outside the door of the Styles' residence. He shifts anxiously between his feet and tries to recite the words that he's planned to say over again in his head. Obviously, he's a bit nervous.

It's been bothering him for weeks now, not knowing where he stands with Harry. They haven't spoken since the night of the party, the night that Louis continuously beats himself up over. Ever since the awkward kiss between them, it seems as if the tables have turned. Louis rarely notices Harry's fond stares from across the lunchroom anymore and instead finds himself lusting over Harry. It's hard for him to admit it, but now he understands why Harry would always look at him that way, with such sincerity and intent before their eyes would meet, immediately making Harry look away to try and hide the blush that would creep upon his cheeks. Louis isn't sure what that meant, if Harry had feelings for him or not, but he's come to the conclusion that he misses it. He misses Harry.

"You should go and talk to him, mate." Zayn had suggested last week, not knowing what else to do that would make Louis happy. Zayn didn't know much about what has been going on between him and Harry for the last year or so, but he knew that Zayn was right.

Louis didn't want to talk about such a heavy topic anywhere near school where others could potentially hear what they were saying, so eventually, that's what brought him here, to Harry's house on a Tuesday afternoon.

He doesn't want to dwell on his nerves any longer and finally gathers the courage to ring the doorbell. Nothing happens at first and he shrugs to himself, wondering if Harry is even at home. But when he hears footsteps approaching the door, his pulse quickens and he suddenly forgets the purpose of coming here. Harry opens the door and furrows his brows. Louis is the last person that he expected to see at his doorstep.

"Uh, hey?" He greets, his tone void of any emotion. Louis glances over Harry's appearance, his hair in a mess of curls, glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose, and a purple sweatshirt thrown lazily on over his head- the usual. A blush paints both of the boys' cheeks when their eyes meet and Louis offers him a shy smile.

"Hey. Can I- Can we talk?" Louis asks. Harry nods and opens the door wide enough to let the boy step inside. Louis scans the empty hallway, wondering if anyone else is currently at home. His mum, who works as a waitress, usually doesn't arrive home until the early evening and by now Gemma has just started college classes. At least, that's how Louis assumes it is.

"I hope you don't mind, but my mum is still at work..." Harry replies, practically reading Louis' mind while he shuts the door. He proceeds to wander into the kitchen where Louis follows, an awkward silence already beginning to grow between them.

"Do you want anything?" Harry offers, standing in front of the counter as he grabs a mug down from one of the cabinets. A ghost of a smile washes over Louis' lips while he watches and remembers the times when Harry was younger and how much he used to love black chamomile tea. It's comforting to know that he still likes it and that part of him hasn't changed a bit. But Louis also knows that he mostly drinks tea when he's nervous or anxious and uses the soothing aura of the drink to calm himself down. If anything, Harry is just as stressed out as he is to be talking right now...

"No thanks." Louis answers. He takes a seat at one of the stools across from where Harry is standing and gives a slight shake of the head. It's quiet for a few seconds, the only noise coming from Harry as he searches for a pot to boil the water in. Louis drums his fingers on the countertop and tries to stop himself from bringing up a topic that he knows is going to make things awkward, but he can't handle the silence any longer. "So, I wanted to talk to you about the uh, party..."

"What about it?" Harry states plainly, not bothering to turn around to meet Louis' gaze.

"I know I said it before, but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I really didn't mean for you to be upset or anything and I wasn't trying to make fun of you. I didn't want it to hurt our friendship, I mean, if you can even call this a friendship."

It's quiet again, before Harry sighs. "I just don't understand how it happened, Louis. I feel like there's something you aren't telling me and I don't know whether to trust you or not after everything that's happened."

"I know," Louis says in a timid voice. He doesn't think about the words that leave his mouth next, but almost instantly, he regrets them. "I was- I was just so confused." Harry turns to shut the stove off and pours the hot water into the mug that he had set out. If it wasn't for the way he turned to look at Louis, Louis would've assumed that he didn't hear the statement.

"Confused? About what?" Harry's eyes stare deeply into his own with concern and Louis' stomach sinks. He doesn't have the chance to come up with a response because his bottom lip starts trembling and his throat feels as if it's going to close up. He hadn't realized how hard it was for him to carry all of these feelings around inside of him for the last five months without telling anyone and he suddenly wonders if Harry has ever felt this way before too.

"...I don't know." Louis chokes, desperately trying to stop himself from bursting into tears. At this point, Harry is catching on and has a few possible ideas as to why Louis could be so confused, so upset, and he frowns in sympathy.

"I know we haven't had a real talk in a while Lou," Harry says softly and places his hand on top of Louis' for support. "But you can trust me." Louis looks away and wipes the tears that have begun to fall out of his eyes. He doesn't say anything and neither does Harry, who waits until he's ready to speak again.

"How did you know?" Louis whispers, eyes still trained on the tiles of the kitchen floor. "How did you know that you might be... gay?" The word seems so foreign on Louis' lips and he cringes. Harry's eyes go wide and he also finds himself directing his gaze to another part of the room. He wasn't expecting Louis to ask him such a personal question when in reality, he hardly knew the answer himself.

"Um," Harry stutters, "Well, I um- I guess I've always kind of known I was a bit different..." He trails off, briefly steeling a glance from Louis before continuing. "I never looked at girls the same way other guys did. Like back when we were younger and you would always talk about Eleanor and how much you liked her and how you wanted to play with her at recess. Everyone had crushes and I never did- I don't know how to explain it... Why do you ask?"

"I guess I've been questioning myself." Louis admits, finding it a little bit easier to talk now that Harry has opened up to him. "I broke up with Eleanor because I didn't feel the same way about her, I wasn't really attracted to her anymore, I don't know. And then I started thinking about being with a guy and I guess I just couldn't stop thinking about it, really."

"So you kissed me because you wanted to know if you were attracted to another guy?"

Louis blushes. "I- well, I guess so." Harry doesn't reply and it's only then that he realizes that Harry's hand is still covering his own. His cheeks flush even redder and he hopes Harry doesn't notice.

"Did it work?" Harry simply muses, removing his hand from Louis' to place both of them around his mug of tea instead. 

"Yeah, I think it did."

"I'm sorry for being upset with you," Harry apologizes, "I understand and I'm glad you told me the truth."

The two continue to talk for a while about things that have happened recently in their lives, keeping the topic of the conversation much lighter than it had previously been. Harry explained how he's been taking a few more classes to bring his grades up, plummeting scores that go below an eighty-percent are a rare occurrence, due to brief family troubles and stress at home. He didn't want to go into detail so Louis shrugged it off and began telling Harry how he's found a liking to his new art class. Drawing and especially painting had always been one of Louis' favorite hidden talents and he's excited to explore more of that side of him.

When Louis started talking about Zayn and how he's always blabbing about Liam, Harry admitted that Liam fancies him just as much. They laughed at that, finding it ironic that their two best friends have a thing for each other. By the time Louis had started thinking about heading back home, a couple of hours had passed, and he didn't want to intrude on Harry any longer.

"Hey, Harry?" Louis questions after he hops off of the stool that he had been sitting on. With the rush of adrenaline that he'd earlier received from finally spilling almost all of his secrets, he figures there's one last thing he might as well say while he's still here. He's got nothing to lose and if worse comes to worse, Harry would only go back to avoiding him.

"Yeah, Lou?" His face flushes again at the use of his nickname, something he hasn't heard Harry call him in years. He scratches the back of his neck and ponders whether or not he should proceed, but then he remembers that drunken day back when they were in grade 7 and all of the barriers that he's worked so hard to build up instantly come crashing down.

"The guy I may have a crush on... I think- I think it might be you."


	10. Friends -Part 1-

Saturday December 20, 2008

|"We're not, no we're not friends, nor have we ever been. We just try to keep those secrets in a lie."|

-

"The guy I may have a crush on... I think- I think it might be you."

Louis starts to grow nervous as the seconds of uncomfortable silence increase rapidly. He's completely embarrassed and blushes with ease, not daring to look over to Harry. His stomach drops and he clears his throat, trying to to think of a way to dig himself out of the giant hole that he's just created.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that- I-" Louis stutters, tripping over his words, "I should- I really need to go."

"Lou," Harry raises his voice to catch Louis' attention before he literally runs out of the door. Louis stops and looks over to Harry, who's staring back at him with the same kind smile that he always seems to have and Louis doesn't know what the hell it's supposed to mean. The trembling in his hands has returned and he can once again hear the beating of his heart pumping at an unsteady pace.

"It's alright, you know," Harry replies,"You don't have to like, freak out or anything for saying that..." His voice is so soft and gentle and accepting, for a second Louis wonders if this is actually happening or not. He's at a loss for words, clearly not expecting Harry to react to his confession this way, and waits for Harry to continue.

"I think I... I still might have a thing for you as well..."

* * * * * *

Both Harry and Louis have grown closer in the time that has followed that seemingly tense afternoon. Neither of them have spoken of their confessions since, not wanting to ruin the tight bond and re-established connection that has finally returned between the two boys.

They've been doing everything together, hanging out after school, doing homework, and sitting together at lunch. Last month, Louis formally introduced Niall and Zayn to Harry and Liam when they decided to join tables at lunch and Harry was surprised to find out that Niall wasn't half as bad as he had originally thought. Everyone was getting along great and Harry was glad to have a few more friends around. It was nice for a change.

Today is no exception; Louis had invited him over his house earlier in the week insisting that they decorate Christmas cookies since the holidays and Louis' birthday, of course, are only one week away. Apparently, it's one of Louis' favorite traditions and he makes dozens of them every single year. 

"More sugar? Lou, I think you've added enough." Harry laughs. Louis, who continues to dump way more sugar than what the recipe calls for into the mixing bowl, ignores his protest and shrugs. Butter, flour, eggs, sugar, and all kinds of baking ingredients litter the counter tops and when he notices Louis squinting down at the recipe on his phone for what appears to be the tenth time, Harry begins to think that Louis has absolutely no idea what he's supposed to be doing.

"Are you sure you don't want help?" He offers, ready to take the whisk and bowl away from Louis before some sort of catastrophe occurs. The taller boy shakes his head.

"No, I've got it." Harry tries to hide a grin as Louis proceeds to pour ingredients into the bowl with a huff. He watches in amusement with his back to the opposite side of the counter and his arms folded against his chest. Louis' face is the epitome of concentration; his brows are furrowed and his lips are pursed in a thin line and Harry then decides that Louis needs to lighten up and have some fun.

So when Louis peers down at the screen of his phone again, Harry uses it to his advantage. He reaches forward into the jar of flour and grabs a small handful, lightly throwing it at Louis' shoulder. It lands with a silent thud and instantly creates a spot of white powdery dust that floats into the air surrounding the two of them. Harry brings a hand up to cover his mouth in an attempt to hide the howls of laughter that are waiting to be let loose.

"Harry!" Louis gasps while looking down at his shirt and back to Harry with a glare. Annoyance is written clearly across his face and Harry doesn't know why he finds the whole thing so hilarious, but it only adds to Louis' irritated mood. For a second Harry believes that Louis is genuinely mad at him and probably won't allow him back over to his house for a matter of days, but that's only until Louis lunges in front of Harry to get his own handful of flour for his bittersweet revenge.

Now it's Louis' turn to burst out laughing when the fluffy ingredient lands on the side of Harry's face, completely catching him off guard.

"Payback." Louis states with a smirk. From there, it doesn't take long for things to get out of hand. Harry races to get a hold of one of the canisters of red decor frosting before Louis has a chance to plan his next move of attack. He aims it blatantly at Louis, coating the left side of his face and hair with it. Two canisters of frosting, half a dozen eggs, and nearly eight cups of flour later, the two boys are practically crying from laughing so hard and are surrounded by one of the biggest messes that Harry has ever seen. Apprehension soon settles in the pit of his stomach though, when he remembers that this isn't his house and if they don't start cleaning up, they'll both be in trouble.

"Alright," Harry holds his hands up in surrender, "Stop! You win! Louis, your mum is going to kill us." He says, voice hoarse from laughing so much. Louis nods and tries to catch his breath while Harry begins to clean by bending over to pick up one of the cookie cutters that has fallen on the floor next to Louis' feet. He doesn't have the chance to react quick enough after he hears rustling from the counter and yet another choked giggle that escapes his friend before Louis is taking a step closer and smashing a raw egg onto the top of his head.

Harry lets out an exasperated gasp and jerks his body upright into a standing position while he threads his fingers through his hair, wincing at the feel of the crushed shells and gooey liquid. Louis is still leaning against the counter chuckling to himself and Harry looks forward, their eyes meeting. His breath hitches in his throat and at the same time, Louis seems to fall silent, the two both suddenly aware of how close they've gotten.

It's silent for a moment and neither of them dare to move. Harry's cheeks feel as if they've caught on fire and Louis only makes it worse when he boldly moves his hands to Harry's sides, resting them on the shorter boy's tiny hips. He catches Louis looking down at him, between his eyes and his lips with caution, and it's then that he realizes that whatever it is that's going on between them is anything but a platonic friendship. That thought soon vanishes because Louis is leaning in slightly, their lips now centimeters apart.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispers softly. His heart is beating wildly in his chest, so loud that Harry most likely would've been able to hear, if it weren't for his own that's beating just as hard.

"Only if you want to kiss a boy with an egg on his head." He giggles shyly, trying to hide his rosy cheeks.

"Those are the only kind I like." Louis plays along and before Harry can process what's happening, Louis is placing their lips together with ease. The kiss is fragile, innocent, delicate and everything that their first kiss wasn't. Harry can taste the sweetness of the frosting left behind on Louis' lips and revels in the way he lightly grasps his hips, his touch so gentle and soft it's almost like he's afraid of breaking Harry. It's as if everything around him and all of his worries are temporarily put on hold and he silently wishes that this moment could last forever. But unfortunately all good things must come to an end.

It's only a mere second before they pull away, only to be left staring fondly at one another with goofy grins plastered upon their faces. That is, until they hear the unmistakable sound of someone clearing their throat in the doorway of the kitchen. Harry's pulse nearly triples and he looks to Louis with a sight of pure panic. They both practically jump a foot away from each other, making an effort to distance themselves as best as possible. In that moment, Harry isn't sure what to be more nervous about, the giant mess surrounding them or the fact that someone may have just seen the two of them kissing.

Louis snaps his gaze to the doorway, chuckling nervously. "Oh, uh- mum!" Harry mentally slaps him for how pathetic he's making them both look, his face practically screaming 'we did it, we're guilty.'

Jay glances around the room as her eyes wander from Harry to Louis, her expression unreadable.

"Well," she begins,"It seems like you boys have quite the mess to clean up..."

"-We're sorry."

"-We didn't mean to." They reply in unison, looking shamefully to the floor that is still covered in a concoction of baking ingredients gone to waste. Jay tsks, clearly unimpressed, and proceeds to state that she'll be in the living room before leaving the two to begin the lengthy process of cleanup, which is anything but quick and easy.


	11. Friends -Part 2-

|"If they find out, will it all go wrong? Heaven knows, no one wants it to."|

-

Forty five grueling minutes of scrubbing and cleaning later, the counter tops were finally looking somewhat presentable and the floors could once again be walked upon. They hadn't spoken more than a few clipped phrases since Jay had walked in and Louis' nerves were radiating across the room in waves.

"Lou," Harry says in the midst of washing his hands and face over the kitchen sink. Louis is sat on the counter perpendicular to him; his legs have been swinging back and forth, feet hitting the wooden cabinet beneath him rhythmically for the last ten minutes, making Harry just as anxious. He hums in reply, urging the taller lad to continue.

"You don't," he sighs, "You don't think she saw us, do you?" Harry wonders as he briefly meets Louis' unsure gaze.

Running a hand through his hair, he lets out a shaky breath. "I don't know, Harry." Louis visibly tenses and Harry frowns. The way he's acting now is such a drastic change compared to the way he was acting earlier, so filled with laughter and not a single care in the world. Harry wishes he could see Louis like that all the time, always happy. Harry shuts the water off and grabs a towel to dry his hands with. It's silent for a matter of seconds until he turns to face Louis.

"You haven't told anyone yet, have you?" He states. His voice is merely above a whisper and Louis continues to stare at the floor, shaking his head with remorse.

"What do I do?" He asks, as if Harry would know the answer. The slight tremble in his tone and the way he bites lip when he speaks doesn't go unnoticed and Harry can tell that he's doing everything he can not to burst into tears.

"Hey," Harry murmurs, placing a hand on top of Louis' and intertwining their fingers. Although he's just as scared of what could happen next and wishes he could curl into a tiny ball and hide right now, he knows that isn't an option. "Don't worry, alright? You're one of the strongest people I know and Jay is practically the nicest mum ever. I'm sure everything will be fine." Louis sighs.

"If you say so," Silence follows. "Do you think I should talk to her?"

"I would." Harry says. He offers what he hopes is a small smile of encouragement and squeezes Louis' hand sympathetically. It's quiet again, both getting lost in their worries and endless possibilities of what could go wrong before Harry whispers. "I think I'm going to head home... Call me later, yeah?"

"I will." Louis says. He meets Harry's gaze, trying to mimic his smile through the overwhelming amount of nerves that are bubbling up in the pit of his stomach. He nods to get his point across, letting Harry know not to worry about him, resulting in the shorter boy moving closer to give him a hug. He's still sat on the countertop, his feet not quite touching the ground, giving Harry the perfect advantage to wrap his arms delicately around his frame, his head fitting like a puzzle piece in the crook of Louis' neck. Louis grabs onto the warmth of his clean grey sweatshirt and breathes in the scent of Harry, the first time he's been in this tight of an embrace to really admire him. He smells like a mixture of baby powder and lemons and although it could still be remains of the baking ingredients left behind, it vaguely reminds Louis of chamomile tea and warm summer days and just the overall comfort of being home.

"Thank you." Louis whispers as they pull apart, even though he's not quite sure what for. Harry's lopsided smile gives him all of the reassurance that he needs.

"Of course, Lou. Thanks for having me over. Everything will be fine, I'm sure of it." Even though he really wasn't sure what was going to happen, it felt convincing to the both of them as the words left his mouth.

By the time Harry walks out of the front door and Louis finally gathers up the courage to make his way into the living room where Jay is busy typing on her laptop, his mouth is dry and his pulse is pounding violently in his ears. Harry's kind words of empathy are completely replaced by anxiety as he continuously wipes his palms across his jeans in an attempt to rid them of the sweat that keeps accumulating, only hoping his mum doesn't notice. Louis racks his brain, searching for some practical way to start this conversation, only to find nothing. He sits there for quite some time until finally gaining the courage to speak.

"Hey mum?" Louis asks, clearing his throat. He watches as Jay shuts the lid of the laptop and places it on the coffee table. Judging by the look on her face when she looks up at him next, it's clear that she knows exactly what her son wants to talk to her about. Nonetheless, she waits to hear what he has to say.

"Yeah, love?"

"I, um," Louis struggles to find the right words.

"You're not," He pauses slightly, trying to get his trembling voice under control. "You're not mad at me are you?" He keeps his head down, absentmindedly tugging at a lose thread on the side of his jeans.

"Mad at you? Of course I'm not mad," She dismisses with a quiet chuckle, "Why would you think that?" 

"I don't know, I um- I just-"

"Darling, you don't have to be nervous to talk to me. If something is bothering you, you can tell me." Jay states, sensing her son's unbearable level of discomfort. The tips of Louis' ears heat up while his mum watches him intently, waiting for his reply. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds and attempts to figure out how to approach the situation before the words come tumbling out of his mouth.

"Did you see us?" Louis cringes when Jay's expression remains neutral and nothing silence fills the air. He can tell by the way she shifts her gaze to the other side of the room multiple times before looking back at Louis that she definitely wasn't expecting him to be so straightforward about it. The longer the silence continues, the more the burning in the back of Louis' throat worsens and this time when his eyes start to water, he can't hold back.

Finally, Jay nods as Louis lets out a muffled cry. "Oh, Louis." She says, getting up and moving to sit beside him. She wraps her arms around him and rubs his back sympathetically as he cries into her shoulder.

"Y-you're going t-to hate me n-now." He chokes, only to be silenced by his mother's calming statements.

"Don't ever say that! I could never, ever hate you dear. It doesn't matter to me who you love, if they happen to be a man or a woman. A mother's only wish is for their child to be happy and if Harry's the one that brings you that happiness; there's absolutely nothing wrong with that."

Sniffling, Louis turns even redder at the mention of Harry. "You're not surprised?" He whispers.

"Of course I'm not surprised. I think we've all known that you haven't fancied any girls for quite a while," Jay smiles, "And just about anyone can see that the way you've been looking at Harry and talking about him 24/7 is a little more than friendly." Louis is quiet for a moment.

"But don't you think it's weird? Me liking my best friend that I've known for almost ten years? Don't you think I'm weird?"

"Not at all. I'm willing to bet that he likes you just as much... if not even a little bit more."

"You think so?" Louis wonders, softly mumbling into the corner of his mum's sweater.

"I know so."

Louis waits a few moments before sitting up and adjusting his position. He wipes under his eyes, drying almost all of his tears. His mum is silent, both of them getting lost in their thoughts when Louis finds the smallest smile creeping upon his face because holy shit, he did it, he just came out to his mother.

He doesn't know what he was expecting the outcome to be, but it's like all of a sudden the weight of one hundred cement bricks has finally been lifted off of his shoulders. Air is once again welcomed to find its way back into his lungs; rewarding him with the ability to breath properly and reduce his pulse to a somewhat normal rate again. He's filled with such relief and joy and accomplishment, so proud that he actually had the guts to follow through with it, so relieved and happy that he doesn't have to hide this part of himself from the closest people around him anymore.

"Mum?" Louis asks all of a sudden, remembering Harry's attitude towards the situation earlier and how he was a nervous wreck as well. "Do you uh, do you think we can kind of keep the part about Harry to ourselves? He hasn't really told anyone about it yet and I know he's going to when he feels ready, but I don't want Anne hearing it before he has the chance to explain it himself."

"Of course," Jay nods, shutting her lips and moving her hand as if she were throwing away a key. "My lips are sealed."

-

"So how'd it go?" Harry picked up the phone on the first ring when Louis called him later that night, waiting to hear every crucial detail. So that's exactly what Louis did; he spent the next hour and a half closed away in his bedroom, explaining every sentence that was exchanged, the reaction afterwards, and his jumbled mess of thoughts throughout the whole experience. Harry listened intently, trying to use what he heard to his advantage and take every bit of advice he could get, while he began thinking of ways he himself could approach the daring hurdle of coming out to his family.

Louis had to admit that his coming out experience was fairly simple compared to some of the horror stories that he's read about online and he could only hope that Harry would have the same occurrence.

He was right when he said that he had the most amazing mum. And it's not like he ever doubted Harry in the first place when he said that everything would be alright, but now he has just another reason to love the boy even more.


	12. Runaway

Sunday April 5, 2009

|"I don't wanna live this way, gonna take my things and go. If things could change in a matter of days I could be persuaded to hold on. Mama was the same. None of us are saints, I guess that god knows that."|

-

The weight in Harry's stomach kept him in bed longer than he wanted, but the anxious boy had told himself that today was the day, so he had to do it. Time kept flying by as he continued to shower and get dressed in some comfortable clothes. He wasn't planning on leaving the house since both his mum and Robin managed to get some time off. On this rare occasion, Harry figured it was the perfect time to tell them.

Once he has nothing left to stall on up stairs, he begrudgingly descends down to the living area of their small home. He is greeted by his step-father with a mug in hand and Anne preparing something over the stove top. A normal day, he thinks to himself, it's just a normal day.

He joins Robin on the couch, mindlessly watching the television and taking in the savory smells of his mother's cooking.

"Robin, how many eggs would you like dear?" His mum asks from the small eat-in kitchen. Harry admires their relationship. The couple hardly ever fights and if they do they abide by that old saying; Never go to bed angry. Robin works in communications at a growing corporation in London. He has always respected her as a mother and knew that providing for her son was most important. His odd humor and charismatic personality makes it hard not to like the slightly overweight man. Anne and him bumped into each other in the grocery store,of all places, and when his mum tells the story, they chatted for four hours. Harry always chuckled at his mum's tendency to exaggerate and Robin certainly didn't mind either.

It was not a big shock when Robin popped the question, he had been over thousands of times and basically lived at their house on the weekends. Harry was comfortable with it and was glad for them because he knew his mum deserved to be happy and to find love.

"Boys, breakfast is ready." Anne calls over her shoulder. Harry feels a pang of discomfort knowing time is running out before he gives them the news. Louis knew he was going to tell them this weekend but they hadn't talked, other than some brief texts, since Friday. Harry had confided in Louis, asking what he should say before and after. His major concern was not with telling his mother, it was Robin's views on the subject that he couldn't stop worrying about. Louis told him he was overreacting and deep down Harry knew that too. However no matter how many times the boy told himself that his fear wouldn't go away.

-

Breakfast was cleaned from the small round table except Robin's coffee mug to his right that he had refilled for about the fourth time this morning. Anne wipes off her hands on a dish rag and walks to sit across from her son.

"So..." He stammers,

"Harry, Are you sure everything is alright? You've been acting a bit strange all morning." Anne questions.

"Erm, yeah." He says slowly and takes a deep breath.

"C'mon kid spit it out. It can't be that bad, am I right? You aren't going to tell us your one of those boys pretending to be a girl, now are you?" Harry scoffs at the man's inappropriate choice of words. "Well alright then... get to it."

Anne's head snaps to look towards her husband in disbelief, "Robin don't you be rude to my boy, let him speak his mind. It's obviously got 'em a bit nervous."

"Alright, alright." Closing his eyes, he hopes this will go as good as it can. "So I have come to accept that I am not like other people." He tries to ease in, "I've been feeling this way for a long time, since I was young. My feelings have not changed and I don't think they ever will." He sighs feeling the prick of tears in his eye. "Mum," His stomach sinks, "Robin, I-I'm gay." He finally spits the words out and sucks in another breath. His head looks between his mum and step-father who's facial expressions remain impossible to read, his anxiety not backing down. The clanking of glass bumping the table is the only sound that fills the room as Robin sets his mug down. Harry shifts uncomfortably, staring down at his own glass of half-empty orange juice left untouched.

"Oh Harry dear!" Anne reaches to grab his hands from across the small dining table. "That's certainly alright by me. I'm so proud of you for telling us!" She exclaims, squeezing her son's hands tightly. Her bright smile and the pride in her eyes makes Harry feel at ease, allowing his unsettled person to relax, however something feels off. Between Anne's small happy sniffles is a loud silence, one Harry deep down knows is just the calm before the storm.

Robin stiffens, holding his head in his hand over the table, the other arm making a fist atop his knee. He continues to stare at the ground, and almost as if on cue, Harry's heart seizes as the older man looks directly into his fearful eyes.

"I'm so proud of you." He mocks with a snarl, "So fucking proud of you!" His eyes, still knifing through Harry's insecurity, doubt, and fear as his fist pounds the wooden table, his mug now flooded in a small black puddle.

"Robin, stop!" His mum gasps. Her eyebrows furrow as she stands, placing a confused and concerned hand upon the angry man's shoulder. His head snaps around, his intentions toward his wife.

"How could you be happy that you raised a fucking queer?" Her hands fist at her sides as she stands towering over the man who just wounded her.

"I raised that boy like I would have raised any other kid. There is nothing wrong in who he decides to love." Her eyes have glossed over already.

Round two of his hateful words hit Harry like a freight train. He locks his eyes shut in hopes to stop tears from falling but also in hopes of waking up from this nightmare. "This kid has probably been running in and out of my house with fuckers carrying all sorts of diseases and god knows what else. Open your damn eyes and look at me! I want you out of my house, you hear me you little twat?" He jerks out of his chair, which topples over and makes a beeline smashing right into the refrigerator behind him. A large fist forces Harry by his collar out of his own chair and to his feet as he uses all of his power not to look at the man that he once thought was a great guy. A tear escapes his eye and Harry feels even more frightened knowing well enough the awful man will use that against him. "Are you fucking crying you pussy? Do you understand me when I say to never step foot in this house again or I will--"

"Do not finish that sentence and drop your fist from my son's collar this instant!" Surprisingly, he does so after a moment of intense glaring, Harry and Anne both taking note of her power over him. "Harry this is our house and you aren't going anywhere." She tries to reassure, but Harry's heavy heart tells him otherwise. Without another word from any of them he bolts past the arguing couple and back up to his room, the only safe haven he has left. The thin walls and volume of their continued fight allowed Harry to hear every last part of their conversation.

"Anne I love you, but I cannot live with someone like him. He is unnatural in the way he... loves." Disgust immanent in his tone. With every other word escaping his step-father's mouth, he becomes drained.

"Why are you acting this way? Whoever you are right now is not the man that I married. I don't understand." Anne tries. Defeat is evident in her tone.

All of Harry's fears of being rejected by others were magnified because this time he thought, in his own sort of way, that he cared for the man. This time Harry was wrong. The sad boy wipes away the small streams upon his face and wishes his favorite person were with him. Harry began to feel uncomfortable even in the room he grew up in and he needed to get out. It was as if this one conversation suddenly turned his safe place into a jail cell, where his stepfather was the warden. His white walls kept growing smaller as he rocked himself back and forth with his ears covered against his bedroom door.

"Louis. Louis, Louis." He whispers to himself repeatedly. In epiphany, he shoots his head up and jolts towards his bedside table. Pulling out his journal and a pen, he scribbles a simple note to his mum to tape on her bedroom door.

Mum,  
I'll call you tomorrow. Please don't worry, I'll be okay.

Love you,  
-H

He continues to hurry into his closet, pulling out a small sack filled with three days worth of clothes, shoves a few more vitals into the bag, and zips it shut. He tosses his pack over his shoulder and tucks his phone into his back pocket. Another tear falls as he gently adheres the note and without thinking another moment, he runs down the stairs and out of the door.

Harry's pulse has escalated to an abnormal rate as he sprints down the street. Even though he never lived on a busy street, every loud noise around him became muted. All of his senses blurred while his body maneuvered on autopilot. He came to the crossroads where he took a right, then a left to the end of the dead end. He cut through on the small path of greenery by the quaint yellow house and once he reached the halfway rock, he finally stopped.

Now hyperventilating, all he can hear is the hate, "Fucking queer... Unnatural, Twat..." He crumbles to the ground. Why can't I just be normal, he wonders to himself. He shifts to pull out his phone from his back pocket and dials quickly.

"Hi Harry." Louis happily greets. All Harry can do is sob when he hears his favorite voice. "Harry? What's wrong. Are you okay? Where are you, can I pick you up?"

He sniffles and tries to speak, "I-I have t-I'm c-coming over."

"Okay, okay. Are you sure you don't want me to come get you?" Louis asks concerned.

"N-no. I'm almost there."

"Alright then, I'll be waiting." With that, Harry ends the call and he's on his feet again.

He exits the brush and rounds the corner towards the blue house that he's grown to love. As he gets closer, he finds Louis sitting on the front porch steps with his head in his hands. Louis rises, hopping off of the steps and opens his arms to let Harry fall into them. Louis doesn't release until his boy is ready. Once he does, he takes Harry's head into his hands and wipes away the tears with his thumbs. Louis admires the curly boy, even in his disastrous state, smiles and asks, "How 'bout we make some tea, yeah?"

Once Louis spots the tiniest bit of a dimple, they turn to enter the house with their hands intertwined, where Harry realizes he's found his new safe haven.


End file.
